| The
quest for a loving and safe community is one that has been pursued
for eons, as humanity has sought that elusive formula which makes
living with other human beings an harmonious experience. So then,
why is it that communes, or even communities, rarely endure in
peace?
It
seems that the pursuit of harmony is the lynch pin of human existence.
The Native North Americans observed that humans were the only
beings who were not naturally in harmony; that other beings lived
in harmony and accepted their position without query or confusion.
Humans, with their mental body, have choice and have to learn
this behaviour. They can decide, for example, whether to kill
another or not. Beings from the other kingdoms do not choose consciously.
They kill only to eat, or to protect their young. There is never
a question or challenge to the notion. Harmonious relations with
the natural world around them is innate; an instinctive and intuitive
response to physical existence.
Since
Creation, or Separation, the violence around us is rising in an
increasingly disempowering crescendo of fear. When will the sense
of powerlessness come to breaking point? When will we realise
that it is our own personal conflict that is preventing everyone
upon the planet from finding harmony. Only then will we see that
to kill or destroy anything unconsciously is a meaningless pursuit
and that the wars that envelope many countries is just a macro-reflection
of what is going on within each individual.
If
we are 'lucky', we live in democracies where we are given the
right to vote and the choice of politicians to deal with these
issues. But the violence continues. A small number of us choose
to join marches and protest en masse, still expecting others to
do the work. Others choose more direct forms of action to challenge
the conventional and accepted, yet aggressive and fear-filled,
status quo.
But
all these things suggest that when we engage in the pursuit of
peace, we are actually in struggle.
So,
what is struggle and how do we bring harmony into our Earth experience?
 The individual level
The
simple answer is that struggle is the resistance to fear within;
and that harmony can be brought about by addressing our own internal
struggles and accepting all of these fears. We can only change
ourselves. We cannot force anyone to do anything. To attempt to
do so is a form of control and results in resistance and even
more struggle. We might force a temporary 'peace' upon a situation,
but eventually the suppressed feelings must emerge. When our own
fears are accepted, they can be released in Love and these internal
changes will be reflected externally in the world around us.
The
more complex answer is perhaps closer to the key. Given that conflict
occurs between individual beings, it is in our relationships that
we are offered the greatest opportunity to confront our own warring
feelings. Our primary relationship, or marriage, provides this
focus better than any other situation. We open ourselves most
to this one other person. Our home is the ashram... our relationship
becomes the 'workshop'.
Relationships
are formed by opening ourselves and becoming intimate with another
being. We wish to express our love and so we open our physical
bodies and allow sexual contact. We open our emotional bodies
and share our feelings. We open our mental bodies and share our
deepest thoughts and aspirations. As we do this, over time, our
bodies tend to merge. We often hear partners express similar ideas
and feelings at the same time because functioning partnerships
begin to share emotional and mental bodies. Often we find that
the ease and enjoyment of intimacy goes in waves. The intimacy
and joy rises until we can bear it no longer and one, or both,
creates a situation where the bubble of bliss is burst. More often
than not, argument and conflict is the result; something that
both partners invariably resist, feeling that it indicates a failure
to be loving enough.
So
often when conflict arises within the home, we run from it. How
many couples take pride in the fact that they rarely argue? Is
this healthy? I wonder. Maybe in some cases they have moved beyond
the need for conflict. But in most, I would suggest that there
is a lot of hiding going on - hiding our deepest fears away from
our partner... through the fear that our partner will not love
us anymore if they are allowed to surface. Over the years, any
secret grows in proportion to the effort required to keep it hidden.
These
secrets don't have to be huge. They may be the smallest thing...
and invariably when revealed there is no problem. However, it
is the secrecy that eats away at our relationship, rather than
the secret; creating a gap between the partners. As the gap widens,
so the capacity for intimacy subsides. Eventually there is little
that the relationship reveals. The relationship falters... and
stops growing in any direction. It just becomes smaller and smaller.
The gap may or may not manifest in physical violence or separation.
The outcome of it all is that mental and emotional intimacy has
ceased, often followed by an end to physical intimacy. What then...
This
is the micro-picture of struggle throughout the physical realm.
At
these moments when the intimacy and ecstasy seems too much, merely
speaking of the reactive fears is often enough to ease the relationship
onto a plateau of feeling, rather than let it fall into pain.
However, if fear holds us back and we do find ourselves in conflict,
we can choose to perceive it as a gift... and welcome it into
our relationship for what it has to teach us. Then in trust, we
can allow its expression - its anger, pain, fear and distress
- knowing that these feelings will pass. When a sense of calm
is restored, we can share our experience with our partner; discuss
everything that occurred for us during the conflict. Keep no secrets,
no matter how difficult it seems. Whatever thoughts and feelings
arise, sharing them is the only way to allow their acceptance
and consequent release. This sharing can occur in many ways. If
speaking it is difficult, try writing, drawing or playing music
that reflects your feelings.
Allow
yourself to feel vulnerable. Ideally, you need to have a relationship
where both partners are committed to their own growth, for the
fear to subside enough for this to occur. We must know how dedicated
we really are to seeking truth and harmony. Only if both partners
are co-committed to finding solutions will we be able to create
a safe environment for fears to be voiced and harmony achieved.
Even then, it may not be comfortable... but it will always be
safe.
The Community level
These
processes can be extended into communes and groups living together.
In most communes, or communities, the initial creation is passionate
and intimate. The people involved may be articulate and open about
their aspirations. Yet, I imagine, even with a shared vision of
ten people, there are ten interpretations of that vision. There
is a good feeling and a sense of intimacy among the people who
share a common bond. The communities that work seem to have a
common spiritual thread. It is said that communities that prohibit
gossip stand a better chance of survival than those that allow
judgement to go unchecked.
Most
seem to have a form of control, or expected behaviour which limits
the growth of individuals within the environment. If we commit
ourselves to one other person, or even to a group of people, we
immediately give ourselves a set of limits on our behaviour. If
we expect anything of anyone else, we also create a set of limits.
If we adhere to these limits, we are stifling our own growth within
the whole.
However,
if we simply follow the indications of our Heart (intuition or
spiritual body) and trust that whatever occurs is appropriate,
then we can learn from what events are provided by the energy
of the whole. In these circumstances, we then accept that any
situation that is presented is co-created by our Self for us to
face some form of fear still inherent within. Any situation is
recognised as the gift that it has always been.
Gossip
is destructive because although secrets and judgements are expressed,
it does not allow the people concerned to reveal their feelings
in safe surroundings, and so be able to release the fears in love.
We don't have to have a model based on control, instead we can
base communities on spiritual trust; the rewards can be greater
intimacy with many more beings than just our primary partner.
We choose intimacy with one person because with one it is 'safe',
but if we haven't learned to be honest with oneself even this
becomes struggle. When we get the formula right with one partner,
this can be naturally extended to any number of other people.
Then we can turn our society into a caring one allowing the honesty
and intimacy to come to the fore.
What
is privacy, but something designed to keep others at bay... at
arm's length. At what point is it that we stop a friendship becoming
a sexual relationship? And why do we create these barriers? Perhaps
it is the physical intimacy that opens the floodgates of emotional
intimacy? But I have had 'one night stands' where physical intimacy
was easy, yet to touch each other the next morning, let alone
talk about the experience, was impossible. And I have been part
of a loving community where it was much easier to be naked together,
than angry or sad. Bliss was what we sought, so unpleasant feelings
were kept well hidden. Yet within this loving group of people,
I would often feel separate and alone. With another couple, I
have felt intimate emotionally and mentally but the fear to take
it closer physically, and its possible consequences, was too much
for us. In these instances, fear of closer intimacy resulted in
separation and the end of those relationships.
If
we wish to live together, we can choose to do so by being empowered
enough to discern for ourselves our own destiny; rather than giving
our power away to any individual who we perceive is better equipped
to make the decisions. Instead of choosing one person to 'lead',
or to follow a majority view when it feels inappropriate to do
so, we can choose to perceive the differing parts of the whole
as equally important with equally valuable contributions. When
we accept that each of us has a separate 'reality' then we can
accept all 'realities' within the whole - without judgement. There
is then no need of rules or regulations to keep others controlled
into one 'truth'.
If
we truly want to achieve peace, then we
must create it. Allow ourselves to be vulnerable -
accept and express our own fears - this is the first step to accepting
unconditional Love into all areas of our lives. Release the false
pride which stops us acknowledging how fear plays a part in our
reactions to each other. We can be empowered to find our own inner
consciously Loving nature and so accept intimacy and the flow
of Love in every situation we experience. Only in this way will
peace and harmony become a natural part of the way of the human
being.
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"OMNISEXUALITY " ...seeing real beauty reflected everywhere!